Visiting Luoyang Orphanage

HeHu comes from a city about two hours west of the capital Zhengzhou. Luoyang means north bank of the Luo River, with the implication that the city is facing the sun. I opted to journey to the orphanage to see where HeHu had spent his 5 years of life and also to meet some of the other little ones who are still waiting.

I could have taken HeHu but I chose not to, for 2 main reasons: 1) I did not want to subject him to another long car ride, since he had already done that 2 out of 3 days of the week and he gets violently car sick, and the preventions are not necessarily easy either. And 2), he didn't want to go back. He agreed to go when our guide Rita asked but when we inquired further he said he was agreeing to go but didn't really want to go back. We believe he was still anxious that somehow this wasn't all permanent, so we told him he could stay with Tim and Charlie and I would say goodbye to his friends for him, and he was very happy.

So off I went, VERY glad to find that our main guide Rita was coming with me instead of a different one-off guide. We chatted on the way there and it wasn't long before we were out of Zhengzhou and traveling through yet another changing landscape -- by going to the west we found ourself passing eye-catching gorges, some with caves carved into the sides of the rock face. And then we were passing into Luoyang. The orphanage is on the outskirts of the city, a tall pinkish-taupe building that shares space with an also-tall building painted to look like green grass and blue skies, which is the Maria's House of Hope facility in Luoyang.

We got out of the van and I stared up at the multiple floors of the building, amazed to actually be standing there looking at this orphanage after months of picturing it and picturing him within its walls. Luoyang CWI, or Children's Welfare Institute, houses about 700 kids, making it about the same size as the other largest orphanage in Henan (Zhengzhou CWI). Half the Sky, or as they're now called, One Sky, operates a Little Sisters Preschool inside the orphanage, and HeHu was a participant -- I'm hoping to get his progress reports from them. Unlike many other orphanages this size, they foster almost none of their children. It's hard to say what the consequences may be, but it is true that many of the kids from there show signs of some of the institutional delays and small size associated with orphanage childhoods. :-( However, I'd always gotten the impression that the nannies were generally kind and warm to the children, and that the difficulty is more one of need outpacing resources -- there just cannot be enough love and attention to go around with 700 kids.

After a few moments, the director for adoptions and one of the orphanage officers -- the wonderful lady who had been HeHu's chaperone -- came out to greet us, and then we were led through the orphanage. I should say right now that I went in prepared to ask to see 5 specific children -- one was little Z, a boy HeHu knew and was hosted with, whose mom I have kept in touch with ever since -- and the other 4 were moms I knew from online groups. I was hoping to meet each child and take some photos and videos, as well as to capture images for HeHu as he gets older. And for little Z, I had several beautiful photos and a lovely letter his family had written to him.

Well, in we went and up went, to the 6th floor, where HeHu's classroom and playroom were -- but the FIRST room we went into had a host of other children, including little Z! The children looked surprised and rather please by our entrance -- all except one little girl, whom
I recognized from the hosting group, who regarded us assessingly and I thought a little unhappily, especially when Z. came over and Rita started to show him his photos and explain that his family was coming. I was so thrilled by the growing happiness on Z's face as she explained and as he looked at the photos and softly named his Mama and Baba ... And yet here was this sad, hurt little face watching us. I will look into her situation because it was my understanding that all but 2 of the children who were hosted were DEFINITELY being adopted and that she was one.

I handed out cookies to all the children and took some more photos and said goodbye to little Z with a full heart (and gave him a quick hug too), and the. We were off, to the next room down the hall on the other side, which proved to be He Hu's class room, all populated by his former classmates. Several were very excited to see me and I handed out vitamins in this room and saw his little chair with his name and photo still on it (and his best friend sitting in it!) and the chart with his picture on it and his favorite toy (I asked what he liked best in the classroom and all the nannies agreed). I also met some of his teachers/nannies but I couldn't tell you who was who because they weren't really introduced with those kinds of specifics.then I made a video of the class waving and calling "Goodbye!"for him.

We moved down a floor to a younger group then, in search of my 4 other little ones. They were sprinkled across 3 different classrooms and we spent a lot of time with them, sharing vitamins and cookies, taking pictures and videos, etc.

I must just say that I think I was unusually lucky to be granted the freedom to see so many children and their rooms and to take pictures of all of them. The children were clean and most were alert and interested. Many had significant needs of various types, or delays. One little one, sitting in a stroller, was so slow, thin and frail that I wasn't sure her slender fingers had the strength to reach to my hand and take the vitamin I held out to her. Her face was sweet but serious and very hesitant. There were others who just wanted to hold my hand, and others whose faces lit up whenever I smiled at them, and others who stared at my with the same wary astonishment of any 2-or 3-year-old when confronted with a stranger. It was very much what I expected-- after all, it's an orphanage -- and at the same time such a gripping reflection of the often bleak realities for these children, no matter how kind their nannies in their matching pink scrubs may be, no matter how brightly pastel their rooms, no matter how often strangers show up to hand out vitamins and vanish again. I have spent years sponsoring specific children for surgeries, or preschool, or even surgeries that will allow their parents to keep them rather than abandoning them to save their lives or preserve the rest of the family -- and visiting Luoyang reminds me of how easy it is to transform life for a child -- sometimes, literally, to save a life. There are at least 2 children whom I saw there whom I will ask for more info about and try to advocate for.

We finished our visit by going back down to the ground floor to HeHu's bedroom. Unlike the room I had seen photos of from when he was younger, this room was smaller, with fewer cribs. We met the room nanny and saw his bed, which it turns out he shared with the little girl who was also adopted this week by a super nice family from Ohio. (Shared because all of the kids share a rather large crib with another child.) It turns out this little girl is a restless sleeper who startled awake if other children roll over and bump her in the night. But HeHu, being an extremely quiet and still sleeper, was a perfect match for her. So they tended to be put together. She is deaf so presumably she in turn was unbothered by his habit of singing little made up songs rather loudly for 10 minutes before falling asleep.

Then the tour was over, and I did my best to thank the orphanage officer and adoption director, and gave them all the vitamins and another gift bag, and we left. I was still reeling a little and trying to switch gears for a prosaic 2-hour ride home when Rita asked if I wanted to see his "finding place." I had completely forgotten about it, but yes I did. So across the city we went, to a very nice, clean and new part of Luoyang, where I stood outside a clean building and took pictures of the landscaped "greenbelt" that ran in front of and beside the building, in which he had apparently been found. My mind boggles at the thought. Not with blame, because I know too much about the realities of life in China to think I can confidently assume ANYTHING about the motives of his parent(s) or relatives in abandoning him, but with the sheer unimaginability of it -- I cannot imagine being his birth parents and what that choice was like and I wonder how it feels to choose the place to put your baby when you are saying goodbye to them forever.

So. Luoyang. We got back and there HeHu himself was, happy and pleased with himself for being carried around and loved on, and there was Charlie continuing to be an awesome big brother, and there was Mr Tim, learning the dad ropes and doing great (Charlie says, "He's doing really well, although there are one or two things I'd like him to change. No, actually he is doing really well."). So glad I went -- so glad to be back home with them -- so hoping for families and love for the 698 who still wait.